"I will praise the one who's chosen me, to carry you"
-Selah: I will carry you

Friday, 12 August 2016

The end is in sight!

Well, we are past 36 weeks and into the last few weeks of this pregnancy! Of course, the baby could still arrive at any time, but we now know that we have less than three weeks to go, maximum after seeing our consultant today and agreeing the last date I will be going to before they intervene.  Less than three weeks!! Incredible.

So this afternoon I have pulled my socks up and finished the mobile I have been making to pass my bed rest time at home.  Now I am officially off bed rest, I thought I had better do it, or it will never get done! So, that's the nursery pretty much finished, apart from waiting for daddy T to put a hook in the ceiling so that we can hang the Noah's ark mobile properly!

As you can see, we have gone with a rainbow theme (predictable, yes, but it pandas to the optometrist in me who knows that young babies see bright colours better than pastels!) We have kept a couple of bits from Bertie's Pooh bear theme aswell, so it is a balance between a new room for a new baby, whilst still remembering and including their big brother.

So how do I feel? Good question! OK! I think. I am not worried about the baby at all. Not really. Well, no more than any regular mum anyway. I am still getting frequent movement, and Grub seems to love waking my up at ungodly hours of the morning with kicks.  Watching the Olympics makes me wonder if this one will be a gymnast! Today's growth scan estimates a weight of 6lb. 6lb! I have re-packed the hospital bag to include newborn sized nappies and clothes, instead of premature ones, and we have a big bag of premature supplies to donate to the NICU.  In just 5 days we will officially be at term, well early term anyway.  So yeah, I am not too worried about the baby now. I am nervous about the birth, but who isn't?  Feeling OK, excited overall.

What is on my mind is Bertie.  I am struggling with the thought that with such a young baby, we may not be able to travel down to his foreverbed for his birthday this year, for the first time. I don't want to feel like he has been pushed out of mind because of his new sibling. I feel even more urgently that I need to remind everyone that he would be turning five next month, and starting school. I still miss him, this baby doesn't make it all OK that none of that is happening as it should be.  On the other hand, I don't want Grub's birth to be overshadowed by Bertie's death. That is why my preference would be for Grub to arrive in August, rather than going up to our due date on 7th Sept. Fortunately our consultant understood that and has agreed.  I think future birthdays and parties would be hard, knowing that Bertie should be having his a week or two later but he won't be. A different month makes it easier somehow. It's a tricky balance, finding space for both babies in the world. Of course, the world would prefer to concentrate on the living, so it is up to me to make sure Bertie is still a part of everything.  So, with the left over felt from Grub's mobile, I am working on Bertie's gift next. I always make him something for his birthday so it feels fitting this year to share that with his sibling.  It isn't finished yet, so will share it with you when it is done. That is next on my pre-baby to-do list!

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