"I will praise the one who's chosen me, to carry you"
-Selah: I will carry you

Friday 24 June 2016

The Chronicles of Bed Rest: Day 35

It's been a big week! I've left my room. Twice! I have actually been outside and felt the breeze on my face and seen the sky not through dirty windows. It has done wonders for my mental wellbeing.   Mr T brought lunch. Pasta, becuase I mentioned I hadn't had any since coming in. Still hot. Amazing! Then we went outside with me in a bit of a bone shaker of a wheelchair. Mental note: when we go to buy a buggy, make sure it has big rubber wheels and decent suspension! Poor grub hasn't been shaken up so much since we almost missed our flight back in March and had to run from one end of the airport to the other in two minutes flat! Being outside was wonderful, not least because we celebrated hitting 29 weeks! Now we are just five days away from my next goal of 30 weeks.

Consultant keeps moving the goal posts. She is thrilled with me and now wants to aim for 32 weeks. Meany! Let me revel in getting to 30 first eh? Of course at 32 weeks I will be allowed home, so it is the next big target after 30. I've done more than half my time :) it has actually gone by in a flash and I cannot believe we are here at another weekend!

My vicar came to visit yesterday, had a good chat and I just casually slipped in that we had started discussing Grub's christening. (No, I didn't tell the vicar we call the baby Grub-too weird!) but the point is, that really demonstrated the mental shift I have made that not only am I willing to discuss my christening thoughts with my husband, but also the vicar! Anyway he confirmed he'd be delighted to discuss it with us when we are ready. Great stuff.

I have knitted up another hat and cardigan combo, in a slightly bigger size:



Just one more prem size to do then I'll be onto full term sizes! 


Also yesterday was the absolute highlight of my time here. We went down for a growth scan, excited to see Grub again after all these weeks. Growth I am pleased to say is bang on track for gestation, right on the midline. Perfect, average baby! The real treat though was when she offered to switch to 4D scan for us. I didn't even know they had that available on the NHS. They don't usually do it, I got the impression she just wanted to be kind since we have been through so much. See, I told you it would pay off if I made myself popular here! It was so amazing we got a really clear picture of Grub's face. I tear up every time I look at it! Aunty thinks Grub is certainly a girl as she looks like me as a baby apparently! We still don't know, we said we didn't want to know so she let us know to turn away at the critical moment. Was very tempted to sneak a look, but now we have waited this long, I want the suprise!

I have discovered that Grub is a Billy Joel fan. Specifically, "you may be right". I was listening to my iPod with earphones the other day and that track came on. Well some how Grub started bobbing along right in time with the beat! Clearly he/she couldn't hear it, but was pretty cool all the same! Anyway, decided to test the theory today and played it again with the earphones to my belly. Well guess what, Grub wakes right up for another boogy! I am so in love with this baby already. Hours of entertainment right there in my belly ;)

I am beginning to suspect the midwives are running a sweepstake on when a I will go into labour! They keep joking that they will be inducing me at 42 weeks! I'm personally going for 34+5, girl, 4lb 2 oz. There's my official predicition! Worth a pound bet?


Saturday 18 June 2016

The Chronicles of Bed rest: Day 29

It was all go yesterday! I had my glucose tolerance test, so had to fast from midnight. It's a blood draw, then drink a drink that can only be described as Sprite post mix but someone forgot to add the carbonated water, then another blood draw. Student midwife sent to do the deed, actually she was very competent and I complemented her on her phlebotomy skills. However, when she came back after the two hours to do the second draw, it was a different story! She took the draw again, perfectly then went a bit white as she realised she has used the wrong colour bottle! I told her it was fine, go and get the right one and do it again. She came back with the correct bottle but no needle. She was getting a bit flustered now she then couldn't get the draw from a different vein and had to try a fourth time from my hand! Bless her. Four draws when two would have done, but at least the result was fine!

Irritation over night as the night midwife discovered I have been self administering some tablets I have been taking for years, I assumed they knew-it is written in my notes! Anyway, she woke me up at 4.30am to ask for the box, "so the doctor can prescribe them." Too groggy to argue the point that I had ample supply and please go away its 4.30am for goodness' sake, I handed them over. Next thing I know, she is creeping in at 6am to lock them in my room locker! Ugh! I questioned it, and apparently it is hospital policy to lock all patient drugs away, even paracetamol. I told her I found it mildly insulting and she just said they have to do it. So now it is more work for them and a nuisance for me as I have to request my tablet with every meal. Like a child. Remember me saying I felt like and extra in one flew over the cookoo's nest?  Well that feeling just increased ten fold! 

Anyway, decided to cheer myself up by delving into the beautiful gift box my wonderful friend brought me this week. It's full of treats, encouragements, and jokes from growing up together, all individually wrapped with guidance on what to open when :) she is such a treasure! So, I opened a post card today with the following message: 

 


Made me smile and laugh :) just what I needed as a pick me up out of my pissed off-ness.  

My consultant has been up to see me again. She wants to bring Grub's growth scan forwards and do it one day next week. It was originally planned for 1st July so two weeks yesterday. I'm glad about that as it means I can a. Leave my room a week sooner woohoo! And b. get an estimation of how big Grub is getting and if s/he is on track (notice I am avoiding using "they" as when I did that in previous posts people suddenly thought I was having twins!). She says she is chocka next week so will have to squeeze me in, but will endeavour to give me enough notice for Mr T to be able to attend from work. She is so lovely and accommodating.  She asked were the midwives monitoring the baby and I said no, as I haven't felt the need as I am getting plenty of movements. She said just to ask if I wanted it. For some reason I really don't! I have heard other women having it, it just means sitting for an hour listening to the baby's heartbeat sound like a train going by endlessly. Haha, I prefer to just enjoy the kicks and rolls! Then she said, oh so casually, "it looks set to be a nice day today, maybe you could, go and sit outside for a bit?"

Hold the phone....

What? Already?  The thought actually made me panic a bit. I'm only 28+3. (Two weeks bigger than Bertie, go Grub...!) but I would still rather not tempt fate quite yet. She said if I was just sitting it would be fine, and I will go stir crazy in here. True, but I would rather wait and share that moment with Mr T I think. And go down in a wheelchair. Not sure I can remember how to climb stairs! I hope I'm not getting agoraphobic......

I don't think so. Truth is I am pretty desperate to go out, I just want to do it when I feel safe enough and in a way that feels safe.  Mr T will be here with me Wednesday afternoon, when I will be 29 weeks. That seems like a good day to venture out. Will have to hope for sunshine!

Tuesday 14 June 2016

The Chronicles of bed Rest: Day 25

Yesterday I deliberately did not write, becuase I really hit rock bottom. I knew it wouldn't be an easy post to write, or to read so decided to leave it and wait and see how I felt today. I am glad to report that after a great night's sleep I feel 100% better today! I'll quickly run through yesterday becuase I want to chronicle everything as it is, the good and the bad.

It basically just all got to me. One of the paediatricians from SCBU came to see me, to talk me through what may happen and everything Grub may need to go through depending on their gestation when born. It's a bit scary. Ok, a lot scary. Whilst we have done the SCBU experience before, it is all such a blur and it ended suddenly, and badly. Vicky midwife also gave me a book from Tommy's called "having a premature baby". It was so thoughtful and being an information junkie I really appreciated it. But reading it makes it all real, that this is really happening, we are having a preemie again, and it's serious.

Later that day I could hear the bounty photographer next door showing the couple her photos of their  newborn, and it just hit home that we won't have that. Now, I know this is a small thing, and actually we had already agreed we wouldn't cave in and buy those prints as we could get some just as good ourselves at home. That isn't the point though. To me it just represented what we aren't going to have, the normal delivery with immediate skin to skin and up to the postnatal ward, learning to breastfeed and hospital photos and visitors and balloons. No. My baby is going to be taken away from me after birth. The SCBU Dr and nurses will be waiting in the corner of my delivery room to take them. I will be left with all the hormones and no baby, again. If we are lucky and Grub is strong enough, they will let us see their face before they go, so we can see their features without all the wires. But we need to be prepared, they may be presented to us in a plastic bag (keeping them warm). We won't be able to hold them. They will update us as soon as baby is stable and bring us a photograph. We'll have 24-7 access to SCBU. All making a pants situation as good as possible. It's ok, I guess. As long as I at least get to see them. Hear their first cry. It is just hard to lay here day after day and hear new babies come up, visitors come, photos taken, go home. It's like a carousel at an airport and my case never comes. A torment of hearing what I desperately want but know I cannot have going on for all these other couples and their babies. Even in my own room there's no escaping it. At eye level as I use the loo are two information posters. One extolling the virtues of keeping your baby with you 24 hours a day to "get to know each other"; the other the importance of immediate and ongoing skin to skin. They may as well have put a picture of someone holding up two fingers and blowing a raspberry at me. I came so close to ripping them off the wall yesterday.

But today. Today I am 27+6. Tomorrow is 28 weeks! When I got admitted I never thought I would get this far. Nor, she now admits, did my consultant. She is thrilled with me and in her words this morning "30 weeks now feels achieveable" YES! That is what I needed to hear today. She also followed up with "but, even 28 is amazing and SO much better than 26" I love her.   She asked when my next scan is so I said, 30 weeks. Infact, since I will need to go downstairs for that, do you think hubby could take me outside in a wheelchair then! "Oh yes I think we could let you do that!" Oh happy day! Roll on July 1st. Two weeks on Friday, 30+2.  I joked that if I hit 32 weeks I'll be having a party, she said she'll be having a party with me! That feels a little too far ahead to contemplate. Four more weeks. But two more, to 30, that much my brain can handle. At 30 it hopefully wouldn't take too long in SCBU before I could do kangaroo care and hold my little one.  And as someone who's been here said, just think of the stories you will be able to tell them when they are older! Oh yes, we will have plenty of those! Everyone gets a bounty photo. Only the special ones get the space station photos!


Saturday 11 June 2016

The Chronicles of Bed Rest:Day 22















 


After my wobble on Wednesday I am pleased to say I have been feeling much brighter the last few days. I expect the roller coaster ups and downs will continue for some time to come and I'll just roll with it. 

So today is Saturday, and we're at 27+3. A whole week beyond Bertie's gestation! Isn't that something? I realised yesterday that we now have two milestones each week, Wednesday is the big one where I get to tick off another week, but Saturday is another week longer than last time. This is great as it breaks the week up and makes time go faster. As much as I said I wouldn't be comparing the two pregnancies any more, I will just say that I have really noticed a difference in Grub's strength this week compared to last, and consequently to Bertie's. Now I understand why they say every day in the womb is two less in SCBU. New this week I can feel rolls as well as jabs and kicks.  Last night I had either a head or a bum actually sticking out of my belly! I poked, naturally, and Grub moved hahaha, it's so cool! What is really lovely and a big silver lining to this enforced bed rest is that whilst I am not experiencing this pregnancy in the way I hoped or making the memories I wanted to, in a way I am experiencing it more. What I mean is, when Grub starts stretching and somersaulting, or sticking random appendages out in all directions, I get to stop what I am doing and just feel it all and appreciate how wonderful that moment is. I am so lucky

Yesterday Vicky my favourite midwife (the ward sister) was on duty, so I had a good chat with her about how my labour would be managed and what options I would have. So I now feel so much more prepared and so much less scared about it.  The main thing I needed to hear is that they would only put me to sleep as an absolute last resort when there really is no other option available.  If I'm asleep, the baby's asleep, and they don't want that.   I told her I am desperate not to miss the birth this time or to come round to find the baby's already in SCBU. She assured me that unless it would be detrimental to the baby's care (Ie they were critical) then as a minimum they would allow me to see them before they were taken away to SCBU. Essentially, the longer I can stay pregnant, the more normal my delivery will be. Wonderful! 

I've knitted up the next size of preemie hat, to fit babies born at 27-32 weeks. So now I need to do the cardigan to match the colours!

I have been asked a couple of times if I am excited yet. I can't honestly say that I am, because I know that we still have a long journey ahead of us no matter what. But, I have made a mental shift away from waiting for Grub to be born and die, to thinking in terms of them coming home, eventually.  I am even thinking about the logistics of choosing a pram system whilst I am on bed rest! If I get to 30 weeks, then perhaps I will start to feel a little excited. And if I get discharged still pregnant 32 weeks, then there'll be a big celebration!

27+3! I think I just might make 30!!





Wednesday 8 June 2016

The Chronicles of bed Rest: Day 19

Apologies. This is a mind-dump post.

Complaints:

I am far too hot
Not sleeping well, day or night:- noise, heat, discomfort
Oh yeah- discomfort. If I lay down it hurts my shoulders and arms. If I sit up, it hurts my lower back and hips. Stupid upward-tilted anti-gravity bed positioning. I'd be about as comfortable doing a hand-stand.
The food is repetitive and boring. And the portions are too small.
I am discovering the perils of eating too much fruit!
My muscles and body strength are literally wasting away
Although I have my own room, at the end of the corridor where nobody ventures unless they are coming to see me, I feel like I have no true privacy. A succession of people waltz into my room throughout the day, on their schedule not mine-either so speak to me or change my bins or sheets or clean my floor. This morning I came out of the bathroom to find a doctor waiting in my room for me. I apologised for keeping him waiting.
Do these things REALLY need to be done several times a day? I am not sick, nor am I able to move around and create any mess or put more than a lone wet wipe in the bin in between the tree times daily changes. So wasteful.  I just want to be left alone for a couple of hours so I can cry. I could put my do not disturb sign on the door, sure, but then I'll feel guilty about unnecessary moving around off the bed.
They now want to know exactly what time I take my medication each night so they can log it wherever the heck it is they log it. Never mind I've been quite happily and competently taking this stuff for years, now I am in hospital so they have to know the ins and outs and record everything in The Log. And no, I don't want you to lock it in the cupboard for me, thanks. It's just fine and dandy right here in my drawer, thanks.
I know when they are coming to do my stomach injection (which only some of them will allow me to do myself) becuase I hear the drugs trolley and the crocs squeaking along the corridor. The whole thing reminds me of One Flew Over the Cookoos Nest. By the end of this I'm going to need electric shock therapy!
There's a speaker for the patient call-bells right outside my door. They chime every five seconds until someone responds to the call and shuts it off. I appear to be the only person on the ward who has figured out that if they aren't responding within say 7 beeps, they are too busy so maybe switch it off yourself and try again in a while? Becuase, you know, it is disturbing EVERYBODY and their NEWBORNS.
Yep, newborns.
I am nothing but an incubator for this baby. (They are worth it) but I want me back. I miss home and husband and cat. I miss my things. I want to put makeup on and wear nice clothes and go out and be in society.
I am truly concerned that my legs are going to be permanently indented by my compression stockings. Why do I need them anyway? They are so hot and itchy and horrible and I'm having the stomach injections now and by the way they really hurt- and I am not a needle phobe and have done loads of stomach injections to even conceive this baby. Ok, so it is all to stop me getting a life threatening DVT. Well, the risk is so low. So low. I don't want to be this medicalised!
Junior doctor: Look me in the eye. I am a human not a case note!


Fears:
Are dreadful.
Birth is going to happen. Too soon. Far too soon. We don't know when. We won't check your cervix again becuase it won't change the management and it may irritate it and trigger you off. So just lay there an wait, ok? No. NOT OK.  I don't want to be a time bomb. What's my birth plan? I haven't even seen the delivery ward.  What is going to happen to me? To the baby? What pain relief options do I have? Under what circumstances will you do a section? I categorically DO NOT WANT A GA.  What do you mean we just have to see what happens? This is every day for you but for me it's a HUGE deal. Yes it's baby no 2 but you know what happened with no 1 don't you? You know I have never had birth classes don't you? You realise my labour was less than three hours last time, and was and still is all a huge trauma, physical and psychological? Well?
I am so scared. I am scared history is going to repeat and I'll be put to sleep and we'll both miss the birth. That my first glimpse of my baby will be a photograph again, groggy from anaesthetic. They can't promise me it won't happen. Just "we only do that if we have no choice" there was no choice last time.
27 weeks. Fantastic. Still THIRTEEN WEEKS EARLY. Still not guaranteed life. Still high risk of developmental, physical and mental difficulties. Of operations in the first year of life. Pregnancy should be 40 weeks. Not less than 30. 30 is my target, it isn't good, or OK, or they'll be fine at that point. It's, possibly achieveable. But then, possibly not.

Blessings:
It is different. We are here and they know. SCBU are ready for us.
We have gotten beyond 26+3
This baby is oh so active
There are buts. But there are also at leasts. Lots.
Grub is the most prayed-for baby in the north west
I am in the UK. And therefore don't have to remortgage my house to pay for this.
So many people care, so many are helping, visiting, texting.
The staff are all friendly and kind and most of them are trying their best to make it all a little less rubbish for me.
I have a loving and capable husband who is doing his best to hold everything together at home and make it all OK.

There must be more. Maybe tomorrow I'll be able to focus better on them. For now I have to focus on this promise:





Monday 6 June 2016

The Chronicles of Bedrest:Day 17

This was never meant to be a daily update! How can I have more to talk about when stuck in a hospital bed than I normally do at home??

Bad night's sleep.  I am in the last room on the ward, and behind my wall is the next ward. I think it must be a geriatric ward as for the second time I've been kept awake by someone older continually shouting for a nurse :/ this time I heard her go in and tell him off for shouting, but it didn't work. I must have dropped off at some point, as I had a horrible dream I was losing the baby. Bleeding. To be honest I am suprised I have got this far since my only other one at about 8 weeks or so! Still it was horrible and not an experience I want to repeat, consciously or subconsciously. Grub must have known as s/he woke me up with such forceful kicking and tumbling as if to say "oi! Mum! We'll have less of that, I'm right here". I remember Bertie doing the same thing after a similar dream with him. Anyway then I was wide awake again enjoying being beaten up from the inside for a while but eventually had to have a word and try to get baby to settle. I did need more sleep! "This is really cute and everything Grub, but for the love of God go back to sleep so I can too, ok?" I needed daddy, he always settles Grub down.

Speaking of daddy, he has not had the best start to the day. Three door mice on our hallway floor this morning. Three. Now The Cat is a bit of an opportunist hunter really. She doesn't bring regular gifts but occasional ones, when she feels like it.  Since I have been in (six days) that makes five mice. Not good. After the first two I thought ok, she knows somethings up, wonders where I am and is out of routine. She'll settle down. After three more I am now worried that she is actually pining for me! Ok lay it on thick Pips, as if I don't feel bad enough already! Any suggestions on how to calm a cat that misses her human? Apparently Mr T just ain't got the cat play skills.... I am thinking drugs. Catnip and feliway. Maybe this card from a friend was pre-emptitive!





Otherwise, still doing OK! The domestics like me becuase I am polite and nice to them. The midwives like me becuase I never need anything.  I am an outpatient inpatient, largely self sufficient, other than needing to have my meals brought.  My day has become very structured, I know when to expect ward round, midwife visit, domestic to do my bins, domestic to do my floors, domestic to offer to change me bedding, lunch, dinner, 5pm stomach injection.....Aah, although midwife Amy  fooled me yesterday on that. I was expecting her and listening out for the drugs trolley rolling down the corridor. She came in holding the syringe without bringing the trolley so I was suprised! Sneaky! 
A little irritating is the playground bell they like to use to announce meals are in the dining room, and again when they want visitors to leave. What makes it more irritating is that neither apply to me anyway! Oh flip. I really am becoming institutionalised aren't I? 

Sunday 5 June 2016

The longest I've been pregnant.

4th June
I have just realised that we are past time time that Bertie was born, he was 40 mins old by this point.  After a little mental celebration, I just burst into tears! Why? I don't know. I think a mix of sadness for him, relief at being still pregnant and fear for how much longer I will be -all mixed up with a sleepless night becuase I was so terrified I would start contracting and sleep through it!

We are by no means out of the woods. I am still scared. I wish it could have been different for my first son. I wish he were at home today driving his dad crazy missing me as much as I miss him right now.

I'll update more tomorrow.

....................................

5th June
Well here we are at.....(drum roll please!)


So yesterday ended up being quite an emotional day, with all sorts of feelings mixed up in a messy soup with homesickness added in for a bit of spice. Today I feel better. It's amazing what a good night's sleep and clean sheets can do to boost your morale!

So from now on, everything is new. I have never experienced being this pregnant before, so I cannot compare how I feel to last time. That's probably a good thing. Bring on the third trimester! Since I am mostly supine, I am hoping to avoid cankles and piles....but will embrace stretch marks if they come as a sign that Grub is growing.  Speaking of growing, I'd better get on with knitting a bigger prem sized hat for them as the last one I did was at 24 weeks and would likely be too small now-hurrah!

Here are my knitting efforts so far (still waiting for delivery of buttons for cardi, but at least it is no longer a tank top!


Saturday 4 June 2016

The Chronicles of Bed Rest:Day 14

3rd June

So day three of admission.  Not quite institutionalised yet, but my day does revolve around a fixed pattern of meals and midwife/doctor/domestic visits.  My room (cell) is looking cheerier already since Mr T brought in a canvas print for me, and a photo of Bertie to display. It was lovely when one of the midwives noticed and chatted about him.  Looking forward to gradually transforming the space over the next few weeks.  Haha, how very "changing rooms".  Just as well I can't get to a haberdashers or hardware store! It is surreal to realise that the next time I leave this room I will either be in labour or have made it to 32 weeks. I am learning lessons in accepting I don't have control. Letting go. Even now, after everything, there are still lessons to learn. 

My biggest frustration so far is that I have attempted 23 crosswords from my puzzle book, and haven't managed to fully complete one of them! The best I have managed is two clues remaining. Gah! The next visitor I have is going to have to help me finish these!!

I am surprised to find that I actually feel better being here. I resisted coming in as long as possible (until it was clinically necessary) because I thought that being in would give me too much time to focus on worries. But amazingly I am extremely calm, just knowing that I am here, the pressure is slightly off me to recognise any problem and get here ASAP, and the care I may need is right here. Any concerns I just press the buzzer and it's up to the professionals to decide what's going on.  SCBU know about us and are prepared, not that we plan to need them just yet. Besides, I am busier than ever with visitors every day, so no time to fret :) 

If I let myself think about it, I do feel sad that I can't be out and about enjoying a normal third trimester.  I am sad that once again, I have just disappeared from work one day rather than getting the send off I hoped for this time.  It looks highly unlikely I will have a natural delivery with immediate skin to skin and minimum intervention- I have now been informed I will need IV antibiotics as soon as labour begins and of course there is the fact that in all likelihood Grub will be going straight off to SCBU on delivery.  I do feel a sense of loss of these things.  It appears that "normal" and "pregnancy" don't go together in my case. There's that lesson again: Let it go. 

Tomorrow is 26+3.   Bertie's gestation.   This is a different pregnancy, different situation, different outcome.  My favourite midwife (the boss) is off for the weekend, so I promised her I would still be pregnant on Monday. Hurrah for new mini-goals! 

Update: Mr T has arrived with a parcel! Exciting. Care package from Bertie and Grub's aunty. Good book, fudge, face cooling spray and hallelujah a FAN! Fan all the way from Chelsea flower show apparently, before we even knew this was going to happen. Someone nudged her :) Here is me looking beautiful with my fan. 




Thursday 2 June 2016

The Chronicles of Bed Rest: Day 13

I think I'm getting the hang of this now. The lovely midwives moved me to a side room yesterday, so now not only do I have my own private space and bathroom, I have a window that opens and a view of trees and sounds of birdsong. In a pretty shitty situation, this is a real blessing for which I am most grateful. I said I was happy to stay sharing, and they said no, we hope you are going to be with us a long time, so you need your own room. I love their optimism and care! 

The downside is I do feel quote isolated with little to no human interaction, unless I use the bell to call someone, which I was forced to do for the first time this morning to request my breakfast. Second boob-I accidentally pressed the emergency bell as couldn't find anything else-I'd knocked the call bell off the wall in my sleep!  It is very out of character for me to ask for things like that but I know I have to be selfish for the time being. I'm sure I'll get used to it!

Sleep was better last night, even if I now not only need my body pillow for back, knees and bump, but a shoulder one to stop it hurting and then an extra head one so my head is above my shoulder! #pillowfortress

So I decided I need to establish a routine, to prevent me going completely stir crazy, so this morning I've given it a go. So far my day has looked like this: 

4am, awake due to older person on the next ward calling out loudly- clearly in some great degree of distress/pain, combined with continued and repeated bell calling for a nurse. Decide to take advantage of being able to get on the hospital wifi whilst everyone else is asleep- sneaky! 

5.30am. Look up and bookmark some exercises I can do during bed rest. Basic ankle and leg stretching to avoid DVT, and back/shoulder/neck stretching to ease the discomfort in my upper body caused by laying head down/hips up 90% of the day. 

6.30am -call for breakfast. Have to use my knitting scissors to open the cornflakes packet. Seriously, am I that weak already or have Kellogg's just gone overboard with the glue on this batch? Delicious cup of tea makes a glorious change from water/orange squash. 

7am. Shower. Decided to try and limit to every other day, to minimise time on my feet. Felt so good, hard to restrict time to 10mims! Take advantage of teeth cleaning at sink to do some pelvis tilts and calf stretches.  Have to get lovely anti-DVT support stockings back on. Where is that little plastic bag the student midwife used over my foot to do this yesterday?  I thought getting normal socks on at home was getting hard with this belly, this is something else! May need to get midwife help with this in a couple of weeks! 

Remember with delight that Mr T brought me the big tub of E45! Will help so much with the eczema I am getting on my upper arms from laying on them causing pressure points.  Also-useful to get the stockings on! 

Dressed, back to bed. Whole getting up routine took 20mims out of bed. Need to streamline. Don't want to lose my shower privileges too! Realise heart is pounding. Wow, I really have lost stamina fast! Scary! 

7.20am. Daily bible reading. Lots of helpful scripture during my stay so far. Decide to write good verses out for daily reminders. Text Mr T to ask for blue tack so I can put up any cards that come (hint!) ;) 

No further joy with wifi, cheat and use 3G. Must watch my data limit here! New message, someone else wants to come visit me! I am now booked up until mid next week. Feeling very loved and blessed. Very grateful for the care, friendship, and prayer so many people are extending.

8am. Write this blog (offline, hurrumph). Realising bed rest may also become digital detox! 

Plan for rest of day? May have to crack open a puzzler....! 

Emotion wise, feeling alright.  Grub is showing no sign of making an appearance...but then, Bertie didn't either-until he did. Two more days until we reach his gestation, three until we  beat it. Yes, I am encouraging sibling rivalry already!  My room is full of post natal information posters eg feeding, baby bathing lessons, co sleeping etc. Makes me wonder daily if I will need this info this time. Feel sad at the realisation that I won't get to do my antenatal classes, again. Another birth clueless then! Glad I at least have my old pregnancy book, the mechanics can't have changed that much, right?  I've informed work it looks likely I won't be back until after maternity leave. Also feel sad about that. I really wanted the proper send off this time, not to just disappear one day like last time. Oh well, what is important is that Grub is safe and stays in as long as possible. I didn't want a baby shower anyway for obvious reasons so we will just have to have a coming home party instead!   

I read this morning that every day in the womb means two less days in NICU. That's encouraging! This baby is still kicking up a storm in there, probably because I am so sedentary, s/he never gets rocked to sleep! Mr T always manages to calm them, he reckons Grub's a daddy's girl :) 

Sorry for the daily updates, probably quite dry reading! Trying to avoid over-blogging but boredom sets in quickly!



Update: Consultant has just been to see me. "let's get to 30weeks". Amen to that. I may need blood thinning injections as I'm pretty immobile, she'll work out my risk- ok! I asked would they attempt to stop labour if it begins now that I have had the steroids. Yes, as long as we realised soon enough so I must report any twinge. I would also be given magnesium for the baby's brain. If I am still pregnant in two weeks time, I still need the GTT. Rats! Lol. Will be done up here though rather than down in clinic. Double rats, was hoping for a morning out! Pleased to hear I can bring in pictures etc to make it homely. Would love some encouraging scripture art so have set some local creative friends of the case :) we can do this Grub. We can. And we will. 


Wednesday 1 June 2016

The Chronicles of Bed Rest:Day 12

So I have now been admitted to hospital. My cervix is down to 0.7cm on average. It is too late to intervene surgically so we just have to wait. I am not entirely suprised, I saw this coming weeks ago. I feel a little cross that they decided to go with the wait and see approach, but I did agree to it as the reasoning made sense at the time. Of course, hindsight is 20:20.

So, the plan is strict bed rest until either I deliver, or 32 weeks, whichever comes first. If I get to 32 weeks they *may* let me go home. It seems an impossible target right now, so I am sticking to my own goal of 30 weeks, which is four weeks today. I have already made a preemie hat, and am working on a cardigan. Of course, if born now Grub wouldn't be able to wear the cardigan, but it gives me a thing to do and makes me feel better to know that they will have an outfit...if it comes to dressing them forever. They can use the hat anyway :) as the weeks go on if I am still pregnant I will make slightly bigger ones.

I have my wrist band, no ankle tag just yet ;) I have asked a friend to find me a little calendar so I can tick off the days. Thought I may get told off for doing tallys on the walls!

Of course, first morning here and I have already made a boob! The midwife told me yesterday I was fine to go for loo breaks, showers and to the dining room down the corridor to have my meals. So I wandered down for breakfast just to find when I asked where I should leave my used tray, they were planning to bring all my meals to me "becuase you're on bed rest!" Oops. So that's another priveledge gone :/. Of course I will do whatever it takes to get this baby home alive and if that means breakfast lunch and dinner in bed, so be it! At least it isn't sunny today :)

Feelings are mixed. There is so much prayer, which really is helping. I am trying to focus on the positives. They have given me the steroids, and are aware of the situation, and I am here. All putting Grub in a better position than Bertie. However, I am still just 26 weeks, and even with the steroids, the risks are high. Pregnancy is supposed to last 40 weeks for a reason! They do appear to have done something though, Grub was pounding away like Popeye all night long and is at it again now!

I am glad on the one hand we went away last weekend and got some photos and memories. On the other I am questioning whether I should have been stricter with my rest at home.  Again, hindsight is 20:20 and at that time things were stable.

I am now waiting for Dr ward round where hopefully I may be given a better idea of my chances of getting to 30 weeks. I am expecting the "if only we had a crystal ball" speech, but need to ask the question.

Fortunately, hubby is off this week so he is able to come in regularly for the next few days to keep me company and bring things I need to make the stay more comfortable and bearable. Besides knitting I expect I'll do some professional development, and I wonder how God will use this time with me? I certainly am not too busy for Him now am I?

I already miss home, hubby and cat. but I am still pregnant, and right now that is the most important thing.