The more I read my bible, the more I want to read it. I have a new study bible and I love it- it really opens up God's word and helps it make sense to me. But let me back pedal a little.
My mood when I woke this morning was terrible. I was all set to write about how negative I was feeling regarding our upcoming embryo transfer next week. When I should be feeling excited and hopeful, all I could think about what how dreadful I was going to feel when it failed. This is out last go before Christmas, so a lot is riding on it. I don't feel it is going to work. Somehow I can't summon any enhusiasm for it at all. I guess that now I just associate trying to conceive and assisted reproduction with failure, disappointment, and loss. It's tough to find that balance between cautious optimism and guarding your heart.
So, whilst not at all feeling like it, I read my morning devotional out of habit/duty, inwardly feeling cross at God for my lot in life. I was directed to 1 Peter 2:13-25. 1 Peter is a good book for sufferers by the way. But this morning, it wasn't the bible text so much that hit me, but the explanatory note for v 24:
"Our goal should be to face suffering as Christ did- with patience, calmness and confidence that God is in control of the future."
That one reminder totally changed my mood. I still don't feel too hopeful, but my mindset has shifted back away from utter despondency and sadness and blaming God for my situation, to thanking Him for all He has done and will continue to do in my life, which is a much better place to be.
No matter what happens, He's got this.