"I will praise the one who's chosen me, to carry you"
-Selah: I will carry you

Friday, 20 July 2012

Feeling happy makes me a brighter shade of blue

http://www.disneyclips.com/imagesnewb/imageslwrakr01/clipeeyoreheart.gifI have been thinking about this post for a while....I didn't know how to get it started...then in town today I saw this quote on a little notebook with a picture of Eeyore "Feeling happy makes me a brighter shade of blue" and I thought YES, that's it! (never mind that the REAL Eeyore is actually grey!)

So, to the point.  I came to the realisation this week that I no longer consider myself depressed.  I have my sad moments, days, weeks, yes, but day to day I no longer feel as if I am depressed, just sad.  There is a big difference between the two.  In the last few weeks I have had a haircut, shopping spree, arranged an anniversary treat for my hubby and I in the form of a west end theatre trip-something we love to do- and booked a holiday. A holiday which I can't wait to go on! Simple things, I know, but to me it is a big deal. There was a time when I never thought I would enjoy those things again.  Suddenly, not only do I know that I am allowed to live life and enjoy myself, I am actively seeking out and looking forward to doing nice things, without even thinking about it.  This is a major breakthrough for me.

This does not mean that I am "fixed" or "better now" or "back to normal" but it does mean I am learning to live again, properly live, not just waiting for life to start again like I was, not so very long ago.

I also realise that this may not last forever, before long it may all come crashing down again as I revisit rock bottom.  But I suppose it is about making the most of the brighter shade of blue whilst it lasts, and learning to ride the grief wave when it hits......rather than living in constant fear of the tsunami.


  1. Selena, mummy to Princess Karis20 July 2012 at 17:28

    You know that smiley-face icon where he's clapping his hands and jumping up and down? That's me!!!! I'm thrilled for you! Keep picking your way along the path with hope in your heart. Bertie is right in front of you, leading the way :) xxx

  2. You always hit bullseye with your posts. Love it

  3. Hello, I know this may sound weird, but it is really important for me. Do you remember in what shop was this notebook?

  4. I'm sorry, I don't. My best guess would be WH Smith...but it was almost four years ago so unlikely to still be available.