"I will praise the one who's chosen me, to carry you"
-Selah: I will carry you

Monday, 29 July 2013

The sublime ridiculousness of well-meant advice

I had to laugh today. And I am sharing it with you because I don't get to laugh so often these days.  I am laughing at how ridiculous all the well-meaning advice I have been told becomes when it is put together.  Quite simply: You are contradicting yourselves.

Now I don't want the purveyors of such advice to be offended by what follows, I appreciate the sentiment with which the advice is given. But please, come on, have a read, and laugh with me. Because then I won't feel quite so crazy for a while.


Apparantly I am to think positive whilst not being too hopeful; to keep my eyes on the prize whilst not thinking about it all the time; to FACE MY FEARS, but avoid STRESS; Not think too many steps ahead...but tell you what happens next if this treatment fails; reeeEEEEEELAXXxxxxxx !; Think of how much worse it could be......but listen to you tell me about so and so who conceived quintuplets naturally after 10 failed IVF cycles; count my blessings! whilst somehow avoiding thinking about what is missing.....

need I go on?

If anybody really wants to know how to help, properly, there is some very good advice here.  

Otherwise, please just know and accept, as I must, that you cannot fix this.  You cannot make my pain go away....but you can listen, and you can, I hope, offer sympathy, and an attempt at understanding- without feeling so uncomfortable that you feel you have to try and find a solution.  TALK about it. I sure do!! And your silence bothers me more than anything.  Don't be afraid to get it wrong, just don't dole out cliches.  Just listen, nod, and say you're sorry for my pain.  And I will cry tears of relief that finally. Somebody gets it.

1 comment:

  1. My new favorite is, "I think when you have another baby you will begin to heal." Like another baby will make it okay that Ava died or make us forget that we lost her.
    They don't realize that it seems like blasphemy sometimes to think about loving another baby.