I have been feeling pretty glum today, and was fully intending to write about that. How after almost three years, the only identities I see for myself are childless mother and now, barren wife. How Bertie's third birthday is fast approaching and I can feel myself slipping back into grief over another milestine he will never see. I still feel those things, but, they are no longer the things I want to write about.
I've just been for a run (amazing how much that helps-those endorphines they talk about really do exist apparently!) and decided to water the garden when I got back. What I saw took my breath away for a moment. New life, everywhere! Bertie's rose has five buds, and they are buldging, ready to burst out early, before the spring, before their time- a bit like him. My honeysuckle has a beautiful show of bright red berries, and also some tiny buds just forming. Even the basil has sprouted flowers! Its amazing, and beautiful, when you really look. I mean, really. Stop, and look. Take it in, take a photo. God's work. I plant them, He makes them grow. And why should it be any different with my children? My rainbow will come. I just need to wait for His timing.