"I will praise the one who's chosen me, to carry you"
-Selah: I will carry you

Saturday, 30 August 2014

What would I tell my pre-bereaved self?

I've just seen an interesting question on facebook: "If you could go back in time to visit yourself, before you became bereaved, what would you say to yourself?" It got me thinking, and when I think I usually blog, so here are my thoughts.  

I would tell her to enjoy every moment of pregnancy, but not to take a second for granted. To keep a diary and write down every thing you felt, the first kick, and every one after it.  Feeling sick and tired of feeling sick and tired. And then feeling wonderful! Every hiccup, the feeling of euphoria after each scan....everything. You'll wish you had later. You will want to remember it all.   Share everything with your husband- tell him about everything you feel, so he feels the same attachment to the baby you do.

To take more photos of yourself pregnant. Don't wait until you get bigger. Just do it now- all through. Dressed up, dressed down, on you own and as a family. Take them.

Don't leave your home full of baby magazines, leaflets and vouchers on every surface. Put them away so if the worst happens, you don't have to come home to it all everywhere.  Avoid signing up to emails from baby companies.

Don't work so hard. You will manage without the extra money. Listen to your body. When you get tired, STOP. 

When he is born, take more photos. And more again. Never mind they all look the same- you'll want them when they are all you have left.  Pose for photos with the three of you in them-smiling and happy- you will wish you had them.

Never mind if you are exhausted. Spend. Every. Second in NICU with him. Just watching, smelling, soaking in every inch of him.

At the end, ask them for his hat.


This may read like a list of regrets. I suppose in some ways it is. It's a wish-I-had...list. I wonder if I will follow it if I ever manage to get pregnant again.

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