"I will praise the one who's chosen me, to carry you"
-Selah: I will carry you

Wednesday, 25 May 2016

The Chronicles of bed rest: Day 6

Grub and I have made it through another week! 25 weeks today.  After a couple of weeks of worry over no weight gain, today I am pleased to see I have gained almost 5lbs :) Grub's had a growth spurt and it's so reassuring!

After a weekend away visiting family for one last time, I am now firmly planted on the sofa with the weight off my feet (and cervix!) I am so glad we had the weekend at home- with our consultant's permission of course.  Whilst I still stayed off my feet as much as possible, we also made happy memories with family and it took our minds off the situation. We visited Bertie for what may be the last time before his sibling arrives, and got a family photo at his foreverbed. Bittersweet. I did catch myself wondering if next time we go will be to bury Grub beside him, and eyeing up was there room? I quickly quashed that thought though. Not. Going. To. Happen. No. Not.

Today I am passing the time thinking about packing the hospital bag. I've drawn up two lists- what I would want/need if I were admitted for strict bedrest, and another for incase I go into labour.  It's tricky to actually pack when we don't know which way things will go, but I suppose I ought to pack the emergency bag unless/until they tell us otherwise.

I am waiting on a delivery of yarn, so I can start knitting a preemie hat and cardigan for Grub. This is really for the worst-case-scenario.  Going out to buy something for Bertie, and it still being far too big for him despite being a "premature baby" outfit is not a happy memory. Of course, I hope never to need what I intend to knit but if we do...."at least" we will have it, and I will know Grub will forever wear his/her first outfit lovingly knitted by mummy. 

It all still feels quite surreal and theoretical. Packing, like having my notes with me, gives a sense of control over an uncontrollable situation. No matter what, we will have what I need, and what Grub needs. We're ready for this, practically, if not mentally/emotionally. Be prepared for the worst, whilst hoping for the best is the latest mindset.

Tomorrow we go back to the hospital for dildo cam, to tell us if my cervix is behaving or if I need emergency surgery or admission. Steroids have been mentioned- to mature Grub's lungs should s/he make an appearance. Getting them will be both reassuring, and scary, as it means they think the baby will come soon-but if they do their lungs will have had a boost. We shall see tomorrow I suppose. Maybe nothing will have changed as we'll get another week's grace.

Speaking of grace, I must say I am feeling mostly at peace. Thankyou to everyone who is praying for that- it is working. 

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