"I will praise the one who's chosen me, to carry you"
-Selah: I will carry you

Saturday, 9 June 2012

Fathers' Day

This week I had to buy my fathers' day card, and I got the expected pang that I wasn't buying one for my husband too.  It wasn't as bad as buying mothers' day cards, but it still hurt.  I had to avoid looking towards the "to my daddy" and "on your first fathers' day" ones, and stick with the grumpy old men and chimpanzee ones! Did it, phew!  But, how sad that even buying my dad a fathers' day card has now become a hurdle I have to get past.  I wonder why it isn't as bad as Mothers' day was? A combination of things I guess, Mothers' day was also six months, so it was a double milestone, and another three months have passed since then, so I am emotionally stronger I guess, and also, fathers' day is less of a commercial big event than mothers' day is.  In March, and for most of Feb actually, it seemed like every shop was displaying mothers' day banners, I couldn't escape from it.  With fathers' day it all seems a lot less in my face.  Again, maybe I am just in a better place to deal with it now, who knows?

I wonder how my husband is though? He's a lot less vocal about these things than me, but I know he feels the pain of loss the same as me.  It's his first fathers' day, another milestone to pass.  People concentrate so much on the mother after a baby dies, people forget that the father is grieving too.  I remember in the early weeks, he would come home from work and tell me how everyone was asking after me, but nobody asked how he was coping.  It's a common theme I think, chatting to other mums, they all say the same happened to their husband.  This piece is for all bereaved fathers' this fathers' day, feel free to pass it on if you feel it would bring comfort to your partner, but if you do publish it elsewhere, please credit me, thankyou.

He's a father too

He's a father too
although he has nothing to show
If he chose not to tell you all about it,
you would never know

He's a father too
though he and his child are apart
he holds his father's love, with his baby
locked away deep in his heart

He's a father too
and he dreams of holding his child
of watching him grow and play
of seeing his first toothless smile

He's a father too
and he grieves just as much as me
though he may not show it quite so much
he doesn't wear his heart on his sleeve

He's a father too
please remember, it's true
on the outside he may be silent and strong
but inside, he's hurting too.

Sarah Townend 2012.

1 comment:

  1. That poem had me in tears.. I'm clueless as what to do for father's day. Mothers day was so close to us losing our son that it just sort of passed by. Now Father's day is looming and I have no idea how to handle it. I've got my Dad a card and a gift, and ended up choking back tears in Clinton Cards. It just feels awful not being able to get something for my husband too, and those damn 'first fathers day' and 'to daddy from your son' cards seem to jump out of the display cases and slap you in the face.. Like your husband, he doesn't really say much, so I don't really know how he's doing. Thinking of you.. xx