"I will praise the one who's chosen me, to carry you"
-Selah: I will carry you

Wednesday, 3 April 2013

Thanks Goodness, someone, somewhere understands....

I found this leaftlet this morning whilst desparately looking for something to help me.  Rings so very true with me. I'm going to copy a few sections of it, for several reasons. 1. So I can come back to this page and read it again when I need to remember that the way I am feeling is NORMAL. 2. So my family and friends can see it and realise that the way I am feeling is NORMAL. 3. So other parents in a similar situation to me can read it and realise the way they are feeling is NORMAL.

 Words in brackets are mine.  Find the full leaflet here

"Losing a baby after fertility problems, or having trouble
getting pregnant again after a miscarriage or an ectopic
pregnancy, (or baby loss) can feel impossible to cope with.
Pregnancy loss and infertility can both be devastating.
But when you are going through both at the same time,
it can leave you feeling desperate.

The combination of (baby loss) and
infertility can be very difficult to bear.
Everyone reacts differently and there
is no right or wrong way to feel or to
deal with what has happened.
You might feel lonely, (yes)  angry, (yes) guilty, (oh yes)
helpless (definately) or very down and
depressed. (so it would seem) You may be asking why this
had to happen to you. (yes) And you may
wonder whether things will ever get
better. (every day)
You may be wondering whether what’s
happened is somehow your fault, or
your partner’s. It’s very unlikely that
anything you did or didn’t do caused
either your (loss) or your
problems getting pregnant.
Sadly, this
can happen even if you do all the right
(which is why it's so damn unfair) You might feel angry about what
happened.And you may find yourself
getting angry at people around you
who don’t seem to have a problem
getting pregnant and having babies. (Something I am struggling with very much, and hate myself for it, adding to my burden) It’s
only natural to feel jealous and you
may resent them. (that is a relief to see, but small comfort)

Family, friends and colleagues may not
know what to say or how to help.  (would I know if it were the other way around?)
They may not talk about what has
happened at all. Sometimes they think
this is for the best as they are trying
not to remind you about it. (it doens't work that way folks)
They might say things that are meant
to cheer you up, but are actually
upsetting – for example “at least you
know you can get pregnant”. (anything starting with "at least..." is often upsetting, there is no "at least" about it. My baby is dead. No. Silver. Lining.)
Sadly, some people may never really
understand how difficult this is for you. (which is why I wear my heart on my sleeve....well, on my blog)

One of the hardest things about living
with infertility and (baby loss) is not
knowing if you will ever be a parent.
Even so, you may feel positive about
continuing to try for a baby, whether
or not you need treatment.
On the other hand, you may wonder
how long you should keep trying, and
whether you can cope with the
possibility of more disappointment."

Can't cope with the dissappointment...and yet can't contemplete giving up either. If we give up, then we never get our dream....how would that help? So we are stuck.  It is nice to know my feelings are normal, but I hate this new normal so much. I hate this new life, this....existence.  Knowing that's normal doesn't make me any happier does it? It doesn't change a thing.

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