"I will praise the one who's chosen me, to carry you"
-Selah: I will carry you

Tuesday, 20 August 2013

Prince George

Earlier today I opened the BBC news web page to be greeted by a beautiful photo of Prince George and his proud parents beaming into the camera. It's a relaxed shot, not the typical stuffy "official" posed photos. It's beautiful actually, and it triggered a meltdown. And now I am asking myself why? Why is this baby, who I will never meet, such a trigger? When I've been getting better with baby photos lately. They dont make me cry, sometimes I even smile. I can even stop myself muting the TV when certain adverts come on, and I'm ok....so why this baby? why today?

Is it because I'm feling fragile anyway, with September looming? Is it because there's been so much media coverage of this particular birth? Is it because it makes me think of my own son, who was conceived just before they got married? Maybe it is all of those things in part. But the main thing, I think, is not the baby himself. It's the parents. Their beaming faces are the picture of parental happiness and pride.....the feelings I have been cheated of and so long for again.  I do not resent them, or any other new parents for that matter, their happiness. But, sadly, their happiness reminds me of my own lack of it. And that is what makes it so hard.  Particulaly right now, as I am losing hope that I will ever feel that happiness again.

"Every new parent knows how this feels" An innocent remark from a new dad as he leaves the hospital with his wife and son. No your Royal Highness, they don't. I don't. Nor do countless other stricken families who are suffering the same torment I am. I feel such sorrow for the parents of the babies lost the day the prince was born.  It must be unbearable for them right now.

1 comment:

  1. When the royal boy was born, I searched and searched for any trace of the types of less charitable feelings I was having to be reflected somewhere by someone. I was very upset by the coverage and tried to avoid it. Like you, I noticed the offhand comments - for me it was something William said about the "fantastic care" they received at the hospital that triggered my despair. In the run-up, I wished and wished that the baby would die. I really resent other people getting their new baby when mine was senselessly taken away, but to have it all over the media and to have "everyone" rejoicing about the birth was sickening. I am not happy for them. And yes I think of the people whose babies died unexpectedly on the day George was born.