"I will praise the one who's chosen me, to carry you"
-Selah: I will carry you

Wednesday, 23 May 2012

I feel lucky to be a Christian

Today my boss is burying her father. It's brought back a lot of awful feelings for me, memories of Robert's service and how I felt that day, it's hit me hard and unexpectedly.  I didn't atted this serivce, because I knew I would not handle being there well, and would be no support to her.  Just thinking about her and knowing how she feels right now is very difficult.

I was chatting to a colleague yesterday about it, and it came up that he is athiest, and does not believe in life after death. He thinks that when we are gone, we are gone. I find that very sad.  For me, I feel very lucky to have my faith, and to be certian that Robert is in a better place, and that I will be with him again one day.  It is what enables me to cope, to deal with it.  If I believed he were simply gone- I don't think I could handle that.  What is interesting is that my colleague feels the same, he said he wishes he could believe what I believe, but he just doesn't, and can't make himself believe it.  I think that is true, you can't convince yourself one way or the other, you have to feel it in your heart.  I realise some people reading this will not be religious people, and I consider myself one of the lucky ones because I am.

Becuase he doesn't think there is anything else after life on Earth, my colleague is very aware of his own mortality, and that of his parents.  Whereas I am not afraid of death, not any more. There's someone waiting for me.  The way I see life now, is that I have faced the worst thing it is possible for a human being to face, and survived.  So what do I have to fear? The only thing I am afraid of is going through this again one day.  The thought of starting this journey a second time is just unbearable to me.

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