"I will praise the one who's chosen me, to carry you"
-Selah: I will carry you

Wednesday, 16 May 2012

I let him down.

Guilt. Something every angel mum feels at some point I think.  There's a rational part of our brains that knows this was not our fault, but another part that feels, I was his mum, and I couldn't protect him.  I think it's worse when you have no reason, it is for me- I have nothing else to blame, so the "blame" falls on myself.  Something went wrong. I did everything I was supposed to, but still my body failed him. He was perfect, if only he wasn't born so early, he'd be here, a happy healthy 6 month old.  There was nothing I could have done....but I was his mum, and I let him down. 


Guilt, it lays heavy upon my heart

A crushing weight, I can't shake free
Some days it is so overwhelming
I wonder how I have the strength to breathe.
So, small, so fragile
my precious one
Born too soon, he wasn't done
My body failed him, it failed me too
The most important job I'll ever have
I didn't manage to do.
And now, I am here, and he is not
This is it, this is my lot
The life of an angel mummy is hard
Guilt, it lays heavy upon her heart.

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