"I will praise the one who's chosen me, to carry you"
-Selah: I will carry you

Sunday, 16 December 2012


Written months ago, this is weighing heavy on my heart today


Will the world ever seem beautiful again?
I wondered as I whispered your name
As I sat watching the sunset over the lake-A perfect moment if we were still three
Instead I shed a tear; it’s just daddy and me.

Wishing we could show you all the world has to explore
Such grand plans we had in store!
Every happy family I see is a stab in my heart
Instead of happy together, we’re a lifetime apart.

Imagining you as a fearless five!
Running on ahead, leaving me behind
In bright blue wellies, loving the mud
But happily, not to old for a hug

On the beach now, flying your kite
Reading you stories as I tuck you in at night
Dad with the camera, capturing your cheeky smile
Now he’s holding your hand, helping you over a stile

Down at the riverside, feeding the ducks
I wonder if you’d have liked that much.
On daddy’s shoulders, lifting you high,
Today you’re pretending to be a rocket in the sky.

Next you’re “king of the castle”, my handsome prince
I’ll tell you to come give your hands a rinse,
Because digging for worms is not hygienic
When we’re out in the woods for a teddy bears’ picnic!

The memories we’ll never make,
You and me together, baking a cake,
I can only imagine the fun we’d have had
If you could have stayed longer, my little lad.

Instead my arms are empty and cold
Without you wrapped in them to hold
It’s all just a dream, never to be real
All I have left is the pain that I feel.

The call of the birds in the morning song
Assaults my ears now that you’re gone
The sun’s warmth hidden beneath the clouds
The world holds no wonder for me now
Without you here, life seems a waste
All sweet things have a bitter taste.

You have no idea how I long to feel his weight in my arms, little arms around my neck, tiny hands in my hair. His warm cheek against mine..."I love you mummy..... I love you too baby" . We have missed out on so much together. I miss him so.....

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