|
How I really feel
|
How I can try and see it
differently
|
|
I feel like I have achieved
nothing this year, I’m just a year older and all I have to show for it is a
whole load of aging, physical and mental.
|
I may not have achieved all I
hoped for (or anything I hoped for) BUT, I have achieved SO MUCH that isn’t
visible. Just by being alive, and functioning, blogging, inspiring, working,
supporting, praising…..going onwards.
|
|
I hate that I have to work hard
at feeling happy these days
|
Ahh, but remember there was a
time when you didn’t have the energy to even contemplate thinking about
trying to be happy. That is how far you have come.
|
|
I’m scared Bertie was my only
chance at motherhood
|
There’s no reason to believe that,
even if it isn’t happening yet, more than likely it will, eventually…..and if
not, there are other paths to parenthood. I WILL be a mum, as not being is not an
option. The wait is HARD, and it feels pretty crap right now, but it will be OH so worth it, Bertie taught you that.
|
|
I feel like hurdles keep being
put in our path. Ok, now I have a diagnosis, but that just means the last 10
months were a waste of time
|
You can’t go back and change
the past…getting a diagnosis and appropriate treatment is a huge step
forward. You are so much closer to
your dreams than you were before. And YOU made that happen. YOU insisted you
Dr investigate and you were RIGHT about your diagnosis. You’re more in
control than you think you are.
|
|
It’s nearly Christmas and I
really don’t feel like celebrating. What have I got to celebrate for this
year? Nothing has happened that I hoped for.
|
This year has been really
awful, yes it has. And it’s allowed to feel angry and upset about that. But, it’s nearly Christmas, so it’s almost
over! I can start afresh and hope for a better 2013
|
|
Whenever someone announces a
pregnancy now, my first thought is jealousy. My second is oh my God, I hope
they don’t go through this, and my third (or fourth, fifth or beyond) may be
well, that is nice news for them.
|
This is normal for the new
normal. Don’t beat yourself up over it. Who could really expect you to feel any
different?
|
|
I hate that even if I do ever
get pregnant again, I’ve lost the innocence and naivety that goes along with
it. I’ll be scared the whole time. I know the worst case scenario.
|
I won’t be scared the whole
time. I will be wiser, and I will still be on an emotional roller coaster, but
every month I have to wait for my rainbow, is another month to get mentally
and physically stronger to handle it. I’ve lived the worst case scenario. And I’ve
survived. What have I got to fear?
|
|
So many people in my life are
pregnant, some days it just feels like there’s no escape from the constant
reminders everywhere.
|
Well, of all the people you know
who were, or are, trying for a baby, almost all of them are now pregnant….so,
there won’t be too many more announcements before it’s your turn. (OK, I realise that isn’t a particularly
positive spin, but that’s the best I can do for that one-OK?)
|
A note to those who are closest to me:
I know I can be difficult when I'm down in The Pit, and when people try to help me see the positives, I always have a negative response ready. I'm sorry for that.....but as a good friend pointed out to me this week, sometimes you just need someone to say, yeah, I understand why you feel so awful right now, it is really horrible. Haven't you ever felt really low and down and been really irritated by someone trying to make light of the situation for you? I bet you have. So please bear with me when that happens, I will start to feel better again in my own time, I always do.
No comments:
Post a Comment