"I will praise the one who's chosen me, to carry you"
-Selah: I will carry you

Wednesday, 16 January 2013

Leibster Award

The Liebster is a blog award for up and coming bloggers.
This award is given to new or up and coming bloggers who have less than 200 followers. The award is then passed along to other bloggers in the same category to help spread the word and support one another. Thanks Helen for nominating me: I will answer your questions, but they are tricky!

1.    What do you hope 2013 will be like for you?
The short answer is: happier.
What I aspire to for this year is to become an Earth mum, or if not, to at least be on the way to being one. I also want to make peace with God. I doubt I will achieve the latter if I don't achieve the former.  I am afraid of getting to the end of this year and still feeling how I do right now. I want happier.

2.  If you could give advice to any other grieving parent, what would it be?
Write a blog. Make them understand. Do it your way and don't be ashamed to cry.

3.  When you are upset, what brings you most comfort?
Very hard one to answer. It really depends on what exactly has triggered me. Often it will be to look at Bertie's photo and talk to him, or to write him a letter. Maybe to do something for him.  Other days what I need is to talk to someone who will just listen, who won't try to fix it or make me see the "positive side" but will just say "yeah, that is really hard, I understand why you are upset"

4.  if there was a house fire, what objects would you rescue first?
His bed, the one thing we have that he touched in life. Also his life album, his story. 
5.  What quotes can you most relate to?
It's one I just discovered tonight, but is so true for me. I remember feeling this so clearly:

"One of the most vicious blows of grief is the realization that it isn’t going to kill you. My conscious mind didn’t even know that was my expectation but when I slowly started to confront the reality that I was still alive… that I was going to be alive for the foreseeable future the reality kicked me so hard I barely moved for days. I’m going to live through this… what a betrayal."
Written by Jodie at becausesomeoneneedstoknow.  She is so right.  It's like a second blow, after the initial shock, comes the realization that this is forever. The moment you realize that it isn't going to end. Until you end. And so, you just want to end......

6.  If you could move to anywhere in the world, where would it be?

7.  Describe a perfect day?
"Perfect" is no longer possible. I have a vision of a day out, at the beach, or in the woods, with my husband and living children, we are walking behind them, they are running and laughing and I am feeling contentment. That is as close to perfect as I think it will get for me on Earth.

8.  If you could change anything about yourself what would it be?
Jealousy. Of people who still have innocence. Who still enjoy Christmas. Who have all their children, Who have rainbow children......

9.  Why do you blog?
Because it keeps me sane. Because I can't explain it in words. Because some people want to understand.

10.  What 'words' has someone said to you that has stayed in your mind and won't leave? (good or bad)
"He would have been such a happy child. You have to live you life and not be so sad"

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