15th Jan
Are you in there Grub? Right now, it feels more like a possibility than a fact. It's so odd. We will be having an early scan in six days, when I'll be we think 6 weeks 6 days pregnant. If I am, we should be able to see a heartbeat! I think if that happens, then it may actually begin to sink in that our Rainbow is on their way. I still have this nagging fear that they'll do the scan and there won't be anything there.
It is so hard not being able to tell anybody yet, to share my fears and ask for prayer. I have actually had to lie to the face of four people so far who have asked me how treatment is going....I hate lying anyway. Having to do it whilst every nerve in my body is on edge and screaming "I'm pregnant and terrified it's going to go wrong, please help me!!" is just dreadful.
If, and I do mean, if, we see that beautiful heartbeat next week, then we have agreed we will tell family and close friends our news. It can't come soon enough. This is so hard to handle alone.
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