So day three of admission. Not quite institutionalised yet, but my day does revolve around a fixed pattern of meals and midwife/doctor/domestic visits. My room (cell) is looking cheerier already since Mr T brought in a canvas print for me, and a photo of Bertie to display. It was lovely when one of the midwives noticed and chatted about him. Looking forward to gradually transforming the space over the next few weeks. Haha, how very "changing rooms". Just as well I can't get to a haberdashers or hardware store! It is surreal to realise that the next time I leave this room I will either be in labour or have made it to 32 weeks. I am learning lessons in accepting I don't have control. Letting go. Even now, after everything, there are still lessons to learn.
My biggest frustration so far is that I have attempted 23 crosswords from my puzzle book, and haven't managed to fully complete one of them! The best I have managed is two clues remaining. Gah! The next visitor I have is going to have to help me finish these!!
I am surprised to find that I actually feel better being here. I resisted coming in as long as possible (until it was clinically necessary) because I thought that being in would give me too much time to focus on worries. But amazingly I am extremely calm, just knowing that I am here, the pressure is slightly off me to recognise any problem and get here ASAP, and the care I may need is right here. Any concerns I just press the buzzer and it's up to the professionals to decide what's going on. SCBU know about us and are prepared, not that we plan to need them just yet. Besides, I am busier than ever with visitors every day, so no time to fret :)
If I let myself think about it, I do feel sad that I can't be out and about enjoying a normal third trimester. I am sad that once again, I have just disappeared from work one day rather than getting the send off I hoped for this time. It looks highly unlikely I will have a natural delivery with immediate skin to skin and minimum intervention- I have now been informed I will need IV antibiotics as soon as labour begins and of course there is the fact that in all likelihood Grub will be going straight off to SCBU on delivery. I do feel a sense of loss of these things. It appears that "normal" and "pregnancy" don't go together in my case. There's that lesson again: Let it go.
Tomorrow is 26+3. Bertie's gestation. This is a different pregnancy, different situation, different outcome. My favourite midwife (the boss) is off for the weekend, so I promised her I would still be pregnant on Monday. Hurrah for new mini-goals!
Update: Mr T has arrived with a parcel! Exciting. Care package from Bertie and Grub's aunty. Good book, fudge, face cooling spray and hallelujah a FAN! Fan all the way from Chelsea flower show apparently, before we even knew this was going to happen. Someone nudged her :) Here is me looking beautiful with my fan.
I am checking your blog often these days, as my heart is full of hope and positivity for your journey with Grub! You are a strong woman, and YOU CAN DO THIS! You are making great decisions regarding your care, and you have such a wonderful mindset about it all. You are very inspiring! Anyway, just wanted to say that I am thinking of you, as your story has touched my heart. Even though we are worlds apart (I am in Canada), you are in my mind as I am eagerly awaiting your next update here, and wishing you all the best in your pregnancy.
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